


Propinquus

by maddy_does (favefangirl)



Series: Camelove 2021 [4]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Discussions of Love, Friends With Benefits, Multi, No Sex, Past Freya/Merlin (Merlin), Past Merlin/Will (Merlin), References to Sex, Types of love, aromantic gwaine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-18 01:53:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29360598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/favefangirl/pseuds/maddy_does
Summary: Gwaine can love without being in love. Merlin thinks he's starting to understand.
Relationships: Gwaine/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Gwaine/Merlin (Merlin)
Series: Camelove 2021 [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2151495
Comments: 2
Kudos: 24
Collections: Camelove 2021





	Propinquus

**Author's Note:**

> [@Camelove2021](https://camelove2021.tumblr.com/) Day 4 - Cupid's Aro

Merlin hummed contentedly as Gwaine ran his fingernails down his back. The sensation had goose bumps rising on his arms, and he tilted his head forward as he relaxed. He was holding himself up on his elbows as Gwaine lay on his side next to him, one arm propping up his head and the other running down Merlin's spine. Merlin felt truly content, reality a hazy memory millions of miles away from this delicious moment of peace.

“MERLIN!” 

Arthur broke the peace as he swung open Merlin’s door. Merlin looked over his shoulder to see Arthur leaning his torso into the room. Arthur looked between him and Gwaine, then pursed his lips.

“Merlin, I have a date with Gwenivere in less than an hour and instead of helping me get ready you’re-”

“I’ll be out in a minute,” Merlin assured him, not at all trying to disguise the annoyance in his voice. 

Arthur hummed, flicked his eyes between the two men once more, then shook his head as he walked back out of the room. Merlin sighed and let his head fall forward to rest on his arms, and Gwaine chuckled at him, shifting so that he was laying on his back. Merlin turned his head to look at him, noting the brightness of his smile, and the ease of it. He couldn’t help it - that grin was infectious and he felt his own mouth curving upwards at the sight. Gwaine met his eye, and the mirth there made way for something softer.

“You’d better go before he bursts a blood vessel,” Gwaine advised, brushing his hair away from his forehead.

Merlin rolled his eyes. “God forbid he have to do something for himself.”

Gwaine squinted at him. “You love being needed,” he said, then laughed when Merlin pouted at the accusation. “You would be just as tense if you were going on a date.”

Merlin hummed and considered the girls he’d dated in Ealdor, the flutter of butterflies in his stomach as he’d forced down the gruel his mother was serving, so she’d let him go out without a fight. With Will it was infinitely worse, not being able to eat at all for fear he would throw it all back up. He would snap at his mother’s teasing as he tried to make himself look as presentable as possible in the mirror, and his leg would bounce uncontrollably until it was time for him to meet Will.

Gwaine raised his eyebrows, satisfied he was right. “Alright, what about you?” Merlin countered, flicking the tip of Gwaine’s nose. Gwaine scrunched up his face, looking altogether too cute for his own good. “What are you like before a date?”

Gwaine shrugged and tilted his head. “I don’t date.” Merlin had to laugh at that. Gwaine’s responding smile spelled disbelief. “I don’t!” He insisted.

Merlin just shook his head and climbed out of bed to get dressed. _Sure_ Gwaine didn’t date. Gwaine had slept with half the kingdom, Merlin was sure. He wasn’t surprised, Gwaine was unfairly handsome, and dangerously charismatic - it was no real shock that the subjects of Camelot couldn’t keep away. Gwaine was a people person, Merlin knew that much. He loved crowds and chaos, though not necessarily attention. It was really no surprise that Gwaine couldn’t keep away from everyone else in return. This protestation of celibacy was the funniest thing Merlin had heard all week.

“You don’t date?” Merlin asked as he fastened his trousers. He watched Gwaine shake his head before pulling on his shirt. “So you’ve never been in love, you just sleep with people you don’t care about and move on?”

Gwaine pulled himself into a sitting position and frowned at him. “Have you been in love with every person you’ve ever slept with?”

Merlin thought for a moment. He’d been in love with Will. A fragile, delicate thing that broke under its own weight. He’d been in love with Freya, too, like an intense ache deep inside of him, the burning still there just under the surface. He wasn’t in love with Gwaine, however close they were, and he was sure that Gwaine wasn’t in love with him in return. There were plenty of drunken nights he’d rather forget, too, that sprung to mind, usually after two too many at the tavern.

“No, I suppose not,” Merlin acquiesced as he pulled on his jacket. He sat down on the edge of the bed to pull on his socks. “But, you’ve never been in love? Ever?”

He looked over his shoulder to see Gwaine pull a face. “I’ve _loved_ ,” he insisted. “I love.” He looked at Merlin. “I love you, and Gwenivere, and the knights, and even Arthur though if you ever told-” He pointed a finger in warning and Merlin held up his hands (and a sock) in mock surrender, with a chuckle. “I love you all,” Gwaine continued, uncharacteristically sober, “and I would die for any one of you. And I like this,” he ran a gentle finger over Merlin’s neck above the collar of his shirt as if to demonstrate what _this_ meant, “But no. I’ve never been _in_ love.”

Merlin had both socks on and was regarding his friend carefully. “But, doesn’t that get lonely?”

Gwaine cocked his head to the side. “Why?” he asked gently. “Is this lonely?” he gestured between the two of them. “Is it lonely to have friends and brothers to fight by my side? Is it lonely to have a body in my bed? Is it lonely to feel so much love for the people close to me I want to explode with it?” Merlin had to swallow thickly to try and fight back his tears. “I can love, and I can have sex, and I can have friends without needing a romantic partner. It’s not lonely, it’s love.” He shrugged nonchalantly. 

Merlin watched him, and saw sincerity in his eyes. They weren’t lonely eyes. They had been, once, a long time ago, when they’d first met. Lonely, sad, lost. Now they were adorned with lines that marked years of laughter, they were soft with joy and love, and they were bright. Bright as his smile or the sun. He didn’t look lonely.

“Okay,” Merlin said. 

“Okay,” Gwaine replied with a wink. “Now, go, before his royal highness explodes.” 

Merlin laughed and got up to do just that. He paused in the doorway and turned back to Gwaine who was laying back on the bed, making himself comfortable. “I love you too,” Merlin said. "I would die for you, too." Gwaine regarded him for a second before nodding. Merlin turned and hurried to find Arthur and stop him from having a full breakdown. He kept thinking about it, about loving without being in love, even as he dressed Arthur for his date. He thought about the joys and the heartbreaks and the beauty of the love he felt for Gwaine or Arthur, or Gwenivere or Gaius, and concluded that it would be impossible to be without it, and that that was just as powerful as any other kind of magic. 

**Author's Note:**

> i didn't realise just how similar the ends of this and my last fic were. whoops.
> 
> a huge, huge, huge thank you to everyone who commented on my last couple of fics. you're all beautiful and i would die for every single one of you <3
> 
> anyway, if you wanna leave a comment or a kudos they're much appreciated! especially let me know if there's something you think i forgot to tag! 
> 
> i'm taking prompts! if you're interested please drop the prompt in the comments below. if you do send a prompt be prepared for me to take fifty years to fill it because uni is so hard, but i promise i'll try! come say hi on tumblr: [@maddy-does](https://maddy-does.tumblr.com/)
> 
> thanks for reading, have a wonderful existence.


End file.
